you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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