is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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