I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
