i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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