Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
