So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Found the puke drawer
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
