I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
