dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
