He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
