I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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