Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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