Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
