1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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