just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
