The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
