Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
