She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
