Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you didnt know i had herpes?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
