I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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