he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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