bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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