You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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