it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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