you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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