If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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