Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
