Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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