The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
