R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
