my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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