she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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