Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
