I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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