so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just high enough for therapy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
