I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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