I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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