Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize