: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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