I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
