I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
