Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
