i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
