oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
