Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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