i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
