I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
