So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
