We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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