Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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