I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He felt like a one man threesome
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
