Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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