you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
