No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So vagazzling was a success
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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