Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
