bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
