He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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