there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
