Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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