i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Congratulations! We have a period
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