tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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