his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
