you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
