i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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