He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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