I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I die, sorry about rent.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
