come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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