i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
