Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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