at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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