I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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