Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
