somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
